Tis the season of college admissions. The time when people decide which colleges they want to go to and Google for colleges that they can go to. We decided to cash in on this opportunity and come out with our very own college rankings. But this ain't no normal set of rankings, my friend - this is The Whackk! College Rankings!
1. Most Desperate – You wanna do true Frandship with me?
The probability of an engineering student being desperate for some action is far far far greater than a student from any other stream. Why? Whom I to comment on the way God works. But that’s just the way shit like this rolls. I am an engineering student. Does that make me desperate? Not really, but some people think I am. But then, maybe I am not.
Topping the list of the college with the most desperate people is Thakur – the campus has a degree, junior, engineering and management college – so I ain’t gonna single out any one. Why Thakur you ask? Well, you know how Red Bull sends out these girls to fests and other such events to give out free Red Bull cans. These girls are HOT! When they made the mistake of coming to Thakur, the shit truly hit the fan. There were actually announcements asking people to stay away from the Red Bull girls – “Please stay away from the Red Bull girls, they will come to you. Please take a look at the stalls from various NGOs instead…. “. True story!
- Thakur (Engineering/Management/Science & Commerce)
- NL College
2. Best Makeover Factory
A college comes with a new lifestyle. A new set of people,culture,humour and most importantly, a new look. Don’t believe me, just look at your pictures of the times before you joined college and now. Ya, now your ego’s a little deflated huh chump!
No need to even begin explaining why Xaviers/Jai hind are joint winners. Its like an annual mass makeover program there during this time of the year. Hordes of guys walk in with the ‘Can I be your fraaand?’ look and walk out with trendy unpronounceable looks. As for the girls, they shock themselves with their makeover. You might be wondering why Mithibai made it to this list. Well, whoever said makeovers are always good!
- Jai Hind/St. Xaviers, Fort
- H.R College
3. Greatest Charsis
By charsis I don't only mean proper stoners. I am ready to include frequent drinkers, smokers, other intoxicant doers - you know the type.
IIT-B is probably the only proper residential college in Mumbai. So obviously it comes right at the top of our list of Greatest Charsi colleges! That college might be full of pansy nerds, but these pansy nerds are generally stoned/drunk/high-on-something-else. Then there are colleges such as Don Bosco in Chembur, where students are so drunk that they throw up on their keyboards during practicals!! True Shit!
- Indian Institute of Technology - Bombay (Mumbai?)
- Don Bosco Engineering College
- NMIMS Mukesh Patel College of Engineering
- Townie Colleges - Jai Hind/KC/HR/St. Xaviers
- L.S Raheja College
4. Best in Vela-ness
This category is relevant for most of us. You reading this pretty much includes you in it too. Vela simply means wasted,directionless in life. We have to mention about the tough competition given by a lot of Mumbai colleges in this category. Makes us realize how career deiven all of us truly are.
MMK tops this list . Though Mithibai came very very close. Mukesh Patel is developing quite a reputation when it comes to velapanti. But they still have some time to go. If you have any doubts about why MMK won, just go to bandra. The sheer number of possibilities there invite velapanti. March on MMK velas!
- Mithibai/Usha Pravin Gandhi
- NMIMS Mukesh Patel School of Technology Management and Engineering(NMU), Juhu
- L.S Raheja
5. Most Violent College
5. Rajiv Gandhi Inst Of Tech. : Has a glorious history which is now fading. The legacy is being lost. Tragic!
4. Thakur :
Boy : hey lets play cricket!
*after the game*
Boy: WE LOST! MAAROOOOO!
3. Saboo Siddik : The number of helmets exceed the number of two wheelers in this college.
2. Rizvi :
Boy: let’s play Cricket!
*After the game*
Boy: WE WON! WE’re the best. MAROOOOOO
1. Khalsa : The undisputed champions when it comes to violence. There is absolutely no question about this one. Khalsa’s past ,present and future is in hands(avoid ‘safe’).
6. The One With the Hottest Crowd
Ah, the college with the hottest crowd. Somehow the suburbs just don’t attract beautiful people. While the colleges in town are full of HOT people. Seriously, how does this shit work actually? Do they have an ‘Underground Beautiful People’s’ movement who decide suburban colleges ain’t good enough?!
I am pretty sure everyone will agree with me when I say that Jai Hind has by far the HOTTEST crowd ever. I mean the temperature over there is soooooooo freaking hot. And it’s definitely not ‘cos of the weather – the place is a bloody hop, skip and jump away from the sea. Like literally!
- Jai Hind
- St. Xaviers
- K.C / H.R
7. Weirdest Lingo
Quite clearly, these are the colleges with the weirdest lingos. Which means that their language and the style of speaking is a little ‘special’. Too special!
5. Patkar-Varde: well, no comments! We don’t wanna invite MNS trouble.
Survival statement : “Tujha aichaaaa….”/ “Jai maharashtra”
4. Don Bosco/St. Francis/Any Christian college: Christians have a way of destroying Hindi. Their English is generally acceptable, even perfect. But they can do wonders to Hindi.
Survival statement : Changing the genders is a good way to start. Other stuff can be learnt only through pure observation.
3. Mithibai : We don’t intend to hurt the extremely(*echo*) sensitive Gujrati hearts but for the rest of us, the mithibai lingo is probably worse than Greek(Greek is classier).
Survival statement: just add chhe/chhu/chhi at the end of every statement and voila, you’re a part of the hip crowd.
2. S.N.D.T : It’s a girls college. Therefore, what they talk about is pretty much incomprehensible for one half of mankind. That half is called ‘men’.
Survival Statement : “She is such a bitch!!”
1. I.I.T : Need I tell you why they topped this category?! The I.I.T lingo is world famous. Because in I.I.T ‘World=I.I.T’(they actually have equations to prove that). Here’s a demo :
God hai : its too good.
Pain hai : there’s some trouble
Nabad : Short for Nervous-Breakdown. Loosely used for tension.
Chamkaa : Fully understood
Fart marna : To boast!
Survival Statement : Tu toh bada god hai yaar. Haan tu hi….tu bhi. Yes, you too!
Pansy, according to the Princeton Dictionary on the web, is a large flowered garden plant derived chiefly from the wild pansy of Europe and has velvety petals of various colours. ‘Velvety petals’ is enough to make me wanna throw up!
Topping the list is JJ School of Applied Arts. Following a very close second is the D.J Sanghvi College of Engineering. How we came to the conclusion that people here are pansy? Hang out with these people a bit. You will understand why :P The last college is actually an inside joke. Did not want to make it personal, but eventually I could not resist the urge. Tee-hee! Oh, and in case you were wondering what IIT-B was doing on the list – they have perfected a new breed of pansy, Nerd Pansy!
- J.J School of Applied Arts
- D.J Sanghavi
- St. Xaviers
- Vivekanand Education Society's Institute of Technology Mumbai,Kurla (E)
9. Weirdest Name
Most of mumbai’s colleges have abbreviations. And most of us have as much idea of their full form as of Indian idol’s contestants.
5. Ideal Junior College of Arts,Commerce & Science. – They went an extra mile to convince students about this college’s ‘idealness’.
4. Zagdu Singh Charitable Trust's Thakur Polytechnic , Kandivli (E) – What, that’s Thakur polytechnic’s actual name?!!
3. Nagindas Khandwal College of Commerce and Economics (N L College) - Malad Now you know why foreigners think India is a land of snakecharmers!
2. Prahladrai Dalmia Lions College - Malad (W) Its an unprecedented effort to help Lions study.
1. Padmabhushan Vasantdada Patil Pratishthan's College of Engineering, Sion - This one came third in Guiness Book’s ‘World toughest tongue twisters’.
10. Most Unkown Colleges
You would not believe the number of colleges (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_colleges_in_Mumbai) out there in Mumbai. I mean freaking hell, I never thought there was enough much space to build so many colleges here. But then most of the colleges here are small 6-7 floored buildings. Space isn’t really a major criteria here. Check out these colleges, bet you haven’t heard any of these colleges (I couldn’t even get a pic of these colleges from Google!) :
There’s no way to rank the colleges according to their anonymity. I mean, if you don’t know it, you don’t know it. Period. On asking around I realised not a single person knew about these colleges. So I ranked them randomly. Sue me.
- Rekhatai Pushpakant Mhatre Jr College of Science
- Sheth L.U.J. and Sir M.V College of Arts, Science, and Commerce
- Smt. Chandibai Himathmal Mansukhani College
- Shri Shankar Shetty Jr. College of Commerce & Science
- Vikas College of Arts & Commerce