The end of 2010 is here! The end of the world - 2 years from now.

Yeah, right!

Anyways, it is that time of the year when anyone and everyone will come out with their own set of awards. Mostly about all the good stuff that happened during the year.

We decided, for a change, to follow the herd and jump into the sea of clichéd-ness. Except, we did not really like 2010 and strongly believe it was a year of hard core shittiness. Except for one event that changed the world as you know it. But, more on that later.

Announcing -  The Choo Awards

The Biggest Wannabe of the Year Award

*Short inspiring instrumental ending in a crescendo*
Booming Voice : And the nominations for this category are:

MTV Crew – Yes the whole crew. What were they thinking when they came out with Male Fantasy 101!?

Virat Kohli – Meri pant bhi sexy, meri jeans bhi sexy, meri shirt bhi sexy…

Anil Kapoor – As the latest bollywood export to Hollywood, we have Anil Kapoor trying to be the next big thing. He’s doing a cameo in MI:4. We are not at all excited.

Varun Gandhi – The perfect Rahul Gandhi wannabe. Inciting speeches that aggravate the crowd do not make you a brilliant orator or a good politician. They make you an asshole. 

All the Bigg Boss contestants – Haha. Do we even need to tell you why?

*Another burst of short inspiring instrumental ending in a crescendo*
Booming Voice : And the winner is..

All the Bigg Boss contestants – The central idea of this show involves having 13 wannabes together in one house doing everything humanly possible to hog the spotlight. Don’t believe us? You tube any one of the inmates.

Most Killa Movie of the Year

*Short inspiring instrumental ending in a crescendo*
Booming Voice : And the nominations for this category are:

Veer – Penned by Salman Khan, this movie has a scene where Mithun and his wife are making out in front of their sons. Need we say more?

I Hate Luv Storys – Apart from totally killing spellchecks, we heard this movie lead to a lot of heart attacks and brain freezes (of the fatal kind) across the country.

Robot – Rajnikanth’s latest venture featuring Aishwariya aunty had me laughing in my seat, holding my stomach. Even when the said aunty was on the verge of getting raped. Whistles and claps apart, this movie gave me a hangover. The worst kind.

No Problem – Very, very ironic name.

Raavan – A supposedly modern take on the Ramayana, Raavan ( featuring the buy one get one couple - the younger Bacchans), was one of the most eagerly awaited movies of the year. Apparently, shit happens!

*Another burst of short inspiring instrumental ending in a crescendo*
Booming Voice : And the winner is :

I Hate Luv Storys: The highly irritating voice of Imran Khan gave me a ringing in the ears that could not be stopped for 31.5 hours. 9 people apparently became deaf. If you, like us, have plans for world domination, may I suggest getting a copy. Highly effective tool for mass genocide, it is.

The KeWlEsT ad of the Year

*Short inspiring instrumental ending in a crescendo*
Booming Voice : And the nomi.. *gunshot* (This plucker was becoming a little too irritating)

Hip Hop Glasses : I like Genelia D’souza. And I do not like doing this to her or FastTrack. But WHY THE BLOODY HELL would you endorse or name something “Hip Hop Glasses”? You cannot even be stoned while doing so.

Wild Stone : I seriously could not stop laughing after seeing these ads.
Oh sorry, was it supposed to turn me on?

MDH Masala : This year saw an overdose of the MDH dude asking you to buy that stuff. I doubt my grandma thinks he is handsome. Was she the target audience? (I personally think he looks like a scary paedophile)

DoCoMo: 2010 saw the dawn of lotta new mobile service operators. It also saw the dawn of the most highly irritating jingle ever. 

Whisper : “Sirf 24 rupay!”, says the teacher and the whole class erupts into laughter. WTF!?

*Another burst of short inspiring instrumental ending in a crescendo*
(No Booming Voice – Haha, he’s dead!)
 

DoCoMo: A jingle that is extremely catchy. A jingle that is highly irritating. I swear to the Gods above and the devil below, if I was in that train I would have gone on a killing rampage with my hacksaw. No Shit. 

The Future of India

*Do-do-do-co-co-co-mo-mo-mo*(Ahhh, it starts playing in my head again!! aaargghh)

KRK – “Naam toh suna hi hoga”, says Mr. KRK in a short commercial for the screening of a movie he has written, directed and produced called Deshdrohi. He is apparently doing sequels too. Run!

Sharad Pawar – What are the two biggest sources of employment in india(besides BPOs)? Agriculture and Cricket. He controls the BCCI (in effect controlling everything cricket related – worldwide). He controls the Ministry of agriculture in India. And he’s a politician. You get the point!.

Ishant Sharma/Munaf Patel – He came, he saw....he was seeing....he probably still is!! Yeah, this guy is my answer when my mom says “Could anyone have a worse future than you?!” 

Pritam – This new years, let us make a resolution to open our ears to more music from around the world. That simply means listening to more of Pritam’s songs. What creativity sir!! Kya baat...kyaa baat...kyaaa baaat!!!!

Tushar Kapoor – The butt of most jokes regarding bollywood, he is actively trying to bring back the era of silent movies. Respect.
Also, he is apparently the next desi Barney Stinson. True story.

Sharad Pawar: Who the hell wants young politicos around when 70 years’ youngster Mr Pawar is going so strong. And even god will be in no hurry as such to have his company. What with his brilliant ‘Jhol’ skills!

Rising Sports Stars

Sania Mirza : This female was a rising tennis player 5 years back, three years back and still is the so called ‘Rising Sportswoman’. If only her serves would rise a little above the net! *sigh*

Rakhi Sawant : No Blesson, this is not an error. :P
Rakhi called us last night to declare to the world media that she has finally understood the rules of ‘Ludo’ clearly. And that she is willing to represent India in the next Olympics. With so many ‘errors’ in her judgement, we thought it best to forward her call to Blesson.

Jewel Raja : Haven’t heard of him have you? Arre the India under 21 football team prodigy! Still no idea? hmm...thought so!

Kapil Dev : This is not for cricket. Paaji had taken to Golf a few years back, setting the trademark high standards. Yes, he’s rising! He must be! Ya!

Winner:
Rakhi Sawant : We clearly dont have the balls to mess with Rakhi. She participates, she wins!

The Most Whattay Channel of the Year

MTV: Stay raw they say. We say you should have stayed the way you were a few years ago.

UTV Action: Watching Vin Diesel speak Mumbaiya hindi has to be the best moment of my life. Thank you UTV Action. Muah.

India TV: “Kya hamaari gaayon(cows) ka doodh raaton ko aliens pee jaate hain?”, screams the news anchor as if he has a hot rod up his thing. It’s supposed to be a news channel. But they prefer showing you the randomest and the fakest stuff ever. 

E! 24 : A 24 hour celebrity “gossip” channel. This is the epitome of the state of pathetic-ness Indian TV has reached. The expert analysis of every word Salman says to Katrina on Bigg Boss with slow-mos and statistics can put ‘We the people’ to shame!

Winner:
India TV : They have been on air for a quite a few years now. Their level of creativity has only increased with every year. So have the abuses being showered on them.

Outstanding Creativity Award 2010

Somthing so awe-inspiring happened this year that we decided to make a special award only for this piece of brilliance. As creative people ourselves, we had to , just had to salute the level of creativity these guys achieved.
May we please ask the entire cast and crew of the movie ‘HISSSSSS...SSSS’ to please accept this award for outstanding creativity. You guys deserve every inch of it!

Kickass TV Shows

Raakhi ka Insaaf : This is THE show to watch right now on T.V. It does not get cheaper than this. The only thing separating the cheap participants and the host is probably some silicon. 

Male Fantasy 101 : If you saw this show then please fill us in on it too!

Roomies : Lets just accept the fact that we cannot Indianize the cool sitcoms and stop these wasted attempts at creating our own ‘Friends’ and all.

Pyaar kii ye ek kahaani : So Ekta Kapoor is at it again. She has managed to make a desi version of twilight called ‘Pyaar kii ye ek kahaani’. Its a TV show on Star One. This is madness!
No, This is India!!

Raaz Pichle Janam Ka : This will probably go down as the most original show in the history of Indian Television, also the most Awe-fully obviously scripted.

Winner:
Rakhi ka Insaaf : Didn’t we say it before : If she’s a nominee, She wins it! Period.

The Best Govt. Scheme of the Year

2G Auctions : Involving people from the PMO to various ministries and major telecom ministries, the whole of the Indian Government, especially the Congress, is in a major tizz after this. Guess 176K crores don’t come that easy.

CWG: We kept hearing about this for months on end. It ended well. So people chilled.

Adarsh: We said quite a bit about it in the last issue. Quite a lot of jhol. Whole lot of khufiyapanti.

Radia: If only these politicians and others had listened to Bob Marley’s advice (“No Woman, No Cry”) they would have been shizzling their dizzles instead of worrying about the RadiaLeaks.

Winner:

2G Auctions : For the sheer size of the scam.  Do you know what 176000 crores means?

Best Magazine of the Year

Remember that incident that changed the world as we knew it. I was talking about it earlier. It happened on 11th June, 2010.
That was the day……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. we launched.
Yes! Whackk! Launched this year and is pretty obviously the best thing to happen in the Indian magazine scene. You see, we are not just another magazine for the yuva :P