That the world cup is here and all toh you already know.
That this cover story is about the world cup is also something you know.
That we never do something anyone else does or even thinks is why you’re here in the first place.

As this is already a pretty huge cover story, we’ll cut short on the intro and all that BS. Anyway we’re pretty infamous for our screwed up grammar and disrespect for formats etc. So for this once we thought, what the hell, lets just stand true to our reputation and skip a prim and proper intro (the attempt towards one atleast).

Whackk brings to you the weirdest players of WC 2011. One from every team, that you need to watch out for. Like even if they’re not playing you should try and catch ‘em in the background some-where guaranteed to be doing something really weird.
Or not!

Here we go :

Pakistan

This is a bloody Pandora’s box. And I am too afraid to open it.
There is no way we can pick only one player from this highly dysfunctional team and take their case. No. Never. Just not happening. Plus we are true blue Indians!
With this team you just know what to expect. No, not good cricket - TROUBLE (of all sorts!). So yeah, you need to watch out for the entire Pakistani cricket team. Like seriously!

Canada

This team is a misnomer. Look at their (pathetic excuse for a) squad :

1. Geoff Barnett
2. Ian Billcliff
3. Usman Limbada
4. Zubin Surkari
5. Sandeep Jyoti
6. John Davison
7. Sunil Dhaniram
8. Harvir Baidwan
9. Shaheed Keshvani
10. Rizwan Cheema
11. Saad Bin Zafar
12. Ashish Bagai
13. Abdool Samad
14. Umar Bhatti
15. Khurram Chohan
16. Henry Osinde

I count around 11 or so players originating from the Indian subcontinent (I am too lazy to find out which country they actually belong to. And according to my geography lessons, in which I got 83/100 - mind you, the Indian subcontinent is largely made up Pakistan, India, Sri-Lanka, Bangladesh, etc.).

Calling this team Canadian is not exactly the proper thing to do. Calling this team a cricketing team is also not the proper thing to do.
If the Indians in that team have any heart and/or patriotism within them, then they will hopefully let our team pulverize them if and when we have a faceoff. That is if and only if they are not completely characterless.

Kenya

Another team with more than the necessary amount of Indian-origin people in it.
 

Unki team mein apna kaun?
There’s this bhaiyya called Tanmay Mishra, another gujju named Rakep Patel and Hiren Variya who is lovingly called Viru by his team-mates. I am guessing Mr. Hiren considers our Sehwag as his role model/idol/whatever.
Fun fact : 58.82% of the Kenyan players have last names starting with the letter ‘O’. If you say those names out loudly and repeatedly it will make you sound like a sex crazed monkey. No Shit. Try it out.

India

Team India has a lot of big names. But one guy is special (in every sense of the word). Sreesanth.
*two mins silence in the memory of the gentleman’s game*
Ya, so where was I? Sreesanth. Right.
He was not even there in the initial squad. He mostly did some voodoo magic to injure Pravin Kumar and now he has made it to the friggin team. He can dance, sledge, take slaps! All in the same day, mind you. Only if his bowling was half as good as his antics!

England

*Patiala peg lagake nachoonga.....Nachooongaaaa*

If you suddenly hear this song break out during any of England’s matches and the cameras focus on a sardar dancing his ass off in the crowd, you know what that spells :
Monty Panesar is in the house!!!!
haha. Ok by now you’re probably judging us as major idiots for naming Monty here as he’s not even in the WC sqaud for England. But hey, never rule out a sardar mad at not having made it to the team. After all : Sawa lakh se ek ladaun, Tabe Gobind singh Naam kahaun. \m/

West Indies

Nikita Miller is the show-stealer here. No no, this is not the name of a cheerleader at KKR. This is actually the name of a West Indian player.
And guess what more works in his favour : He’s from Jamaica!!!
Jaaamekhaaa maaan. He got style maaan. He got swagger yo!!!
Kemar ‘Roach’ came real close though! :P

Bangladesh

That’s Abdur Razzaq from the Bangladesh cricket team. Shit, does this guy look exactly like Sreesanth or what?!!

And such is the impact of Sreesanth on our evaluations that anyone who looks like him also wins the coveted title.So that!

Ireland

That’s George Dockrell. He’s merely 18 years old and plays for the Irish Cricket team. Look at the guy. I mean, he’s just a poor kid (with no future now, since Irish cricket has definitely got no future). He’s gonna be facing the likes of Zaheer Khan and Ryan Sidebottom and also some West-Indian monsters when he should be probably dancing away to some Justin Beiber song at a school prom.
Awwwwwww.........

Netherlands

Andrew Hoogstraten. Well honestly, we don’t know anything more about this guy. We don’t even think you care. WE definitely dont care. Heck, even Wikipedia doesn’t care about him(he doesn’t have a page on Wiki). So ya, we just thought of making him a little famous by mentioning him.
You can thank us later Andrew.

Australia

The Goliaths of the cricketing world. Our mortal enemies (after the Pakis, obviously). We pretty much want to tear them apart right here, right now. But we shall refrain. .

So Australia has this player called Doug Bollinger. He is also lovingly called ‘Doug the Rug’. Why? Don’t ask.

His profile on a cricketing website says - “[he has a] character more suited to cold beer than high-quality champagne” - whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean.

I love his hair though. It seems to be sprouting out of nowhere. Like literally. It looks like someone glued it on accidentally or as if it’s an afterthought. And his overall face looks like he is having a perpetual stroke. Or a never-ending  orgasm. Whatever rocks your boat.

Srilanka

Haha. Ok. Here’s a slightly racist comment. So all the ‘African’ people like to braid their hair and streak them blonde (I just don’t see the appeal). Lasith Malinga thinks - “I kinda look like them, let me copy their hairdo”.
Bad move man Malinga. You can try to be a nigger. But if you ain’t born that way, you can never be that way. I still want to ruffle your hair, though. I mean look at his picture. How could you not want to put your hands through that magnificent-cum-marvellous hair?

And more than enough has been said about his supposedly legal bowling action (chucking). It leaves the best batsmen dumbfounded. Don’t believe me? Look at this :