Over the past few weeks, The Whackk Team has been receiving quiet a lot of requests/death threats, because they have not been publishing anything which could help thousands of their readers in the exams. Although we have no clue why a student would read a magazine named ‘Whackk’ for study tips, we are certainly scared of the death threats and hence are going to do something to avoid getting killed. We sent our daring reporter Phail Iyer (pronounced ‘failure’) on a life-threatening mission of entering a college building and sneaking out a copy of the CET question paper. The wall was like 1 foot high and there was no security after 8 PM, so it was less dangerous than we imagined.

Anyway, here’s the set of 5 questions that will help you to crack CET this year for sure. Thank us later.

1. Teena starts running from point A towards point B at a speed of 80 km/hr. Meena starts running from the point A after 10 minutes and catches up with Teena 40 minutes later. Find out Meena’s speed when she catches up with Teena. Also find out why Meena wasn’t a part of the Indian track-and-field squad that always returns empty handed from the Olympics. If she can really overtake someone running at 80 kmph with a 10 minute head-start, her talent must be recognized and utilized.

2. Read the following poem (carefully) and answer the questions below (very carefully):

You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub
Look mami I got the X if you into taking drugs
I'm into having sex, I ain't into making love
So come give me a hug if you into to getting rubbed

When I pull out up front, you see the Benz on dubs
When I roll 20 deep, it's 20 knives in the club
Niggas heard I f**k with Dre, now they wanna show me love
When you sell like Eminem, and the hoes they wanna f**k
But homie ain't nothing change hold down, G's up
I see Xzibit in the Cutt that nigga roll that weed up
If you watch how I move you'll mistake me for a playa or pimp
Been hit wit a few shells but I dont walk wit a limp
In the hood then the ladies saying "50 you hot"
They like me, I want them to love me like they love 'Pac
But holla in New York them niggas'll tell ya im loco
And the plan is to put the rap game in a choke hold
I'm feelin' focused man, my money on my mind
I got a mill out the deal and I'm still on the grind
Now shawty said she feeling my style, she feeling my flow
Her girlfriend wanna get bi and they ready to go

1. What banned substance was the poet smoking while writing the above poem?
2. Calculate the value of ‘X’ in the second line. (m=90 Kg, g = 9.8m/s; make assumptions if necessary)
3. The phrase ‘nigga roll that weed up’ is closest in meaning to:
  a. A reference to a gardener tilling a garden and removing weeds.
  b. Cooking.
  c. A metaphor for a deeply philosophical act of introspection or something.
  d. I don’t know, but it is definitely something racist and illegal.
  e. Both c & d.
4. How many people, places and brands of cars have been referenced in the poem?
5. According to the poem, what is the ideal response to the compliment, “50 you hot”?
  a. Yes I am, thanks to the tropical temperature conditions on the equator.
  b. Bitch I’m sorry.
  c. I'll take you to the candy shop, I'll let you lick the lollipop.
  d. I don’t understand archaic English.

3. Look at the graph below and answer the question following it:

a. What is the percentage average bitchiness for the whole year?
b. Assuming that the behaviour of the woman does not change, what is the minimum bitchiness in the quarter Jan-April?
c. When was the woman the most bitchy and why?
d. Would you date such a consistent bitch? If so, then why?

4. 

The above figure depicts a pseudo-hardcore marketing gimmick retard. Calculate the ratio of the retard’s brain (‘x’) to the retard’s mouth (‘y’). Also state WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A ROADIEEEE GRRRROWWWL?

5. This is your last question. How do you think you have performed on the test?
a. :’( :’(
b. I just want to go home and lie down in my bed and cry.
c. Now I know what humiliation Liverpool go through each weekend.
d. I wish you could give me 4 lifelines, this shit is tough.
e. I have become comfortably numb.
 f. Ghanta to your exam. I’m quitting and moving to a Tibetian monastery. Nobody asks difficult questions there.