I walked on the gravel path, approaching the playground.

The sun was setting, and no kids were caged inside the fenced playpen.

Better that way. Even if the kids had fathers who smoked at home in front of them, their mothers would come and harass me for smoking so close to the cage.

I spotted my favorite haunt. The solitary stone with a flat surface.It seemed a perfect perch to think and idle away time. The stone lay right outside the fence, with moss covering its sides. I sat down leisurely. Took out my customary cigarette.This was tradition now. Pretty soon it would get routine.I lit the cigarette with my Zippo lighter.

PUFF

Ah ! Life is at a queer stage. I am happy with my work. I am happy with my family.

What is bothering me then ?Hmm.

Ah yes ! The room !The dark useless room. Of no practicality. Just a waste of space. Taxing the resources.I still remember how the room was then.

PUFF

She came first. An old school friend. Lost and found. After many long years I saw her sweet face. I took her in my room. It was all so exciting.First visitor !She sat. We talked. We caught up on old times.

We wanted to study, so we parted ways.

PUFF

Then there was a lively little knock on the door.

The second one came. Dressed casually, wearing Crocs. She laughed, she teased. She asked me why I didn't ask her to come in.I let her in.She made some stupid excuse in a short while, and got up to leave.I was confused.

"Why are you leaving ? It just started getting idyllic !"

I ran to the door. She was gone.

The table held a small note for me.

'Thanks for the entertainment. You have been a lovely toy. Best of luck.'

PUFF

The last one came.

She cared for my room.She called it 'Home'.I do not know why I let her.

I just could not say no. I had to let her in. That was how I was.I thought I wanted her in my room. I thought she would make it wholesome.I was wrong.Very terribly wrong.

She charged in, with many things for me.

I had nothing for her.

I fought with myself that day.Kept punching myself in the gut.I did not have the balls to say no. And look what happened now !Oh woe ! Oh misery !

I asked her to leave.

She was surprised first. Thought I was joking. Then shocked. Then agitated. Then furious.I was shame-faced.

I pushed her out of my room.I shut the door on her face.She kept pounding the door. Her muffled voice ringing harshly in my ear.

I ignored. Everyone told me that was the best thing to do.

She kept calling.

But my doors were shut forever.

The room was locked, and nobody would enter.

PUFF

I turned my face from the door.Looked around at the room.

Lamps broken, books burnt, chairs hacked, curtains torn.

It was ravaged.Pillaged. Desecrated. Desolate. Devoured. Ruined.

Hostile.

PUFF

I cannot have anyone over here now ! No girl would come to this room !

Wait !

Why would I want any girl to come in ?

All of them hurt me. Hurt my pride. Hurt my ego.All brought pain and heartache !

Damn them all !

PUFF

I looked down at my cigarette. It was half gone. This shit is getting expensive now !

And then, I looked in the distance. The leaves of the trees were dancing. Mocking my sorry state.

Suddenly the name popped up in my mind.The name that I, so conveniently, pushed to the recesses of my mind.I had wronged her.

And then, the proverbial insult to the injury came.

Names came streaming in my mind. Different names. Pretty names. Shuttling back and forth, in the time wave of my life.

"I Love You Baby !"Snatches of poems written, lyrics of songs dedicated.Words uttered from my lips.Useless empty words.
"Of course ! I Love You Too !"

PUFF

Lies. Bloody lies.All the women I betrayed.

It was fun, was it not ?The pursuit was fun.But once they would fall in my arms, I would run away.Cold feet.
Discard and never look back, at the girl I thought I liked.

All my mistakes came to stab me. Not prick. Stab.

Deliberate mistakes ?

I felt disgusted. Very disgusted.

The feeling of nausea was overwhelming.

PUFF

Goddamnit !

I'm looking in the mirror !

Look away jackass ! Look away !Judge others, never yourself !Stop looking at the mirror you stupid fuck !

Stop reflecting !

I looked up at the evening sky. It was twilight.The clouds looked agitated.Beautiful, but agitated.

A very long drag. I gave out a wisp.

My Love went up in smoke.

The anger returned now. With renewed force.And it brought along with it a friend.Despair.

The Cynic was reborn.

"Aaaa !"

I gave out a loud cry of pain.

Looked down at my throbbing fingers.They were scalded.

I realised the cigarette had burned out.Burned my fingers.

Left ashes.

Even one cigarette causes enormous damage they say.

Original Post : http://100-percent-irony-free.blogspot.com/2009/09/love-and-other-high-things.html