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Flirting is an art, a game being played since the time when the world actually looked like a scene from 'Age of Empires'. It's a simple game involving two 'players' and a medium. The players have remained the same, the only thing having changed since 'age of empires' is the medium, the mode of communication, the middleman, the...you get the point.

I don't know what the medium was back then. Pigeons maybe ('kabootar jaa jaa jaa' anyone?). But today BBMs, texts, messengers have become our wing-men.

Yes, I copied that intro from the other article in Pinkk. Why? Because I CAN!

Also because I’m mentally moronic. The other chick who wrote the article thinks she can de-code the guys and lay naked our plans of owning females through the power of words. The boy in me protested. I couldn’t just let all that mud-slinging be one sided. So here are the trademark texting/bbm/messenger tricks used by girls on unsuspecting, sweet guys like us :

ACTION : The “Hey, you awake?” text (at 2 a.m)

Boy : Ya ya. Wide awake. What’s up? (he lies. he was already having wet dreams.)
Girl : Umm. Nothing really. Just not getting any sleep.
Boy : You alright?

*and she takes it from there.*

REACTION WANTED : NONE!

She doesn’t give a dying damn about you and your reaction my friend. She just had a fight with her boyfriend/best friend/parent/ and just wants you to lend her an ear. For hours! And most of us will fall for this one, choosing her constant whining over the Megan Fox dreams thinking it’d lead us somewhere in the future.
It won’t.

 

ACTION : The “Am I a good friend/person?” text

This question will come out of no-where. NO-Fucking-where.
You won’t know why she’s asking you this, or the context in which she says this. But you’re going to have to answer the question nonetheless. If you dare say something like “huh? what? why are you asking me this?” then she’ll rebuke you like your question has no importance whatsoever. Worse still, she may take this answer as a No, and that is the end of your potential future with her.

REACTION WANTED : Reassurance/Sympathy

The only possible answer we can give is a resounding Yes! (with a capital ‘Y’ mind you.)
She’s been a bitch with some other innocent dumb-fuck like you and she knows it. Who better than another innocent dumb-fuck to do away with the guilt?!

 

ACTION : The late reply.

Something that begins with “Hey, sooooo sorryyy for the late reply...”
Yeah, already nodding your head, aren’t you? It’s OK, even the biggest of studs have had to go through this pain. What will hurt more is when your BB shows that she read your msg but chose not to reply. THAT is a major ego shatterer.
And that is why the Whackk team doesn’t have BBs, even after all the peer pressure of years.

REACTION WANTED : Bhaao! (footage)

She needs her daily dose of bhao. And her extremely analytical mind tells her that her importance in our life increases only if our own self respect takes a dive.
No, even i don’t know how that makes sense. You’ll have to ask some chick only man. I suggest you ask that Ridhii female who wrote from the girls’ side. :P

ACTION : The once in a blue moon text from her side.

Out of no-where, one sunny day the girl you’ve been stalking on facebook texts you. OMG! Slow-mo, cool breeze, violins...all those gay things happen to you. You give her all your attention and time till when ever she decides to either not reply to your text or go back to the previous action : late replies.

REACTION WANTED : Entertainment.

She was bored. She needed entertainment.
Also, she knows you’re lusting after her. That’s why she chose you.

 

ACTION : The “I’m going to sleep now. Bye :)” text.

Let me bust the bubble for you. She’s not an early to bed, early to rise chick. It’s just time for her to talk to the guy that really matters to her. The guy you want to be. The silver lining is that, you’re in queue. :)

REACTION WANTED : For you to leave her alone.

And so what do you do?
You shut your eyes and go to your ever welcoming version of Megan Fox


Yes, we are Jackasses. Love you too.

Author Details

Kartikeya

Do you want to watch Sholay on Doordarshan with me?

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