Hello, lovely readers of Whackk! We are soon going to hit our 3rd birthday. That's right, third. And bloody hell, are we excited! So excited that we are starting the celebrations a whole three months earlier.
Yes, you read right, three. We are more excited about this stuff than a teenaged girl. But we don't want a pony for our birthday.
We thought, maybe on this auspicious occasion, we should let you take a sneak peek into our millionaire-internet-startup-entrepreneur-wannabe-by-day-too-broke-to-afford-a-drink-by-night lives with you. So, starting now, we’ll write every few days about our favourite people in the world. Us.
We start off with some of our favourite phrases. That we use day in and day out and a little too much when inebriated.
1. Kya Boltai Bantai
So, I am in the train. Reaching Bandra station. On one of the railway boundary walls, I see someone has written ‘fuck’ in Hindi (as in, the Devanagri script) in big bold black letters. I know, right?! What’s up with that?!
My deep, profound, intellectual brain tried to figure out the point of that. Epiphany happened, as it always happens when I am stuck in a packed train with other people rubbing their sweat off on me. The elusive point being that we feel the need to Indian-ise a quintessentially American foul word, because, you know, this is India. Not some lame ass western excuse of a country.
For us young gabru Indian youth, "Whatsup dude?" just doesn't cut it anymore. “Wassup/wazzaa/ssup” and any other stupid alternatives aren’t anywhere close to cutting it too.
We are forging a new identity in this cruel world and "kya boltai bantai?" is our battle cry!
For the uninitiated, bantai is not the Indian Hentai. Consider it a substitute for ‘friend/brother/bro/dude’.
Hence, kya boltai bantai?
2. Bitches be crazy yo!
They say 42 is the answer to the life, universe and everything. Incorrect. "Bitches be crazy yo" is the answer TO EVERYTHING!
Think about it.
Mom : Raat bhar kahan the?
Son: Bitches be crazy yo!
Friend: Kya boltai bantai?
Pretend Friend: Dude you don’t look ok. Are you ok?
The answer always remains the same. Bitches be crazy yo! And if the person persists, asks more questions. Bitches still be crazy yo!
Because that is the eternal truth. Amen.
While growing up, the world was becoming a dull place. It was a boring, bland place with not humour, style or girls. Then Entourage happened. For the cavemen, Entourage is an HBO TV series, probably the most epic TV show ever made. Most definitely the greatest show of our generation. No, not Friends (sorry to burst your rainbow and candies filled bubble), Entourage. Clearly, we love it. And you need to see the show to understand the importance of a hoarse voice, fist in the air, goatee on the chin person shouting “VICTORY!”. Just saying this in a higher state of mind makes us feel less like losers and more like a 8 pack abs spartan monster man.
Still don’t get it? Watch this (and read the top comments) :
4. At the same time you have to keep in mind that...
This one’s not even a catch phrase. It’s a drop phrase. One of us keeps dropping this on the others during those super-serious-life-conversations. Obviously done drunk. Every argument is countered by starting your statement with this phrase.
The beauty of this drop phrase is that you always seem to be on top of the discussion. The person whose argument you are countering feels like you’re actually just adding on to what he said but you’re agreeing to it in the first place. Whereas, you feel like you’re owning the entire argument. The truth is, you’re both drunk, go home.
5. Arre mereko nahi chadhi hai..
You’ve said this too. Don’t shy away from it, you have. You were too drunk, your friends told you to slow down. But the inner strength in your heart told you that you’re fine. That you can walk your way back home. So you get up with jelly knees and declare emphatically to your subjects
“Arre mereko nahi chadhi hai!”
What follows looks somewhat like this:
6. Life mein aur kaneka kya hai tereko
You know that look you give your friend when he/she says they’re not drinking at a party you’ve been mentally preparing yourself for some time? This look:
Then starts the convincing. You reason with the person. He doesn’t listen. You threaten him. He doesn’t budge. Emotional blackmail, no effect.
Then you unleash the most potent weapon of them all. You say the golden words to the guy.
“Abey life mein mein aur kareneka kya hai tereko?”
This is where the accused has an internal turmoil. His futility to this world becomes apparent to him and this is the moment he decides and says “Fine. But thoda sa hi ok?”.
7. Nigga Whuuuuuut
This is a sign of us being happy. Or confused. Or angry. Or all.
You don’t just speak these words. You feel them. You call upon the spirit of Jay Z, feel like you own Beyonce’s beauty every night and then speak these words the self satisfaction and confidence that follows.
Make sure the ‘whuut’ is more like a high pitched seal sound. Yes, that’s the element of excitement. Although, we would like to apologise for the racial slur. LOLJK. This ain't the States. Nobody cares.
Merchandise with these lines coming out soon. Don’t even think about stealing them. We’ll sue the last life insurance out of you, punk!