Disclaimer : This is a piece of Satire. It does not intend to encourage any illegal and immoral activities. Read on only if you fully understand this.
Everything that defines India today is characterized by extremes of opinion. There’s one end which expresses ‘utter disgust’ at how women in India are not safe – from men in their life, men not in their life and now even the men of god. There’s another section that is ‘flabbergasted’ by how the economy is behaving like the scared Sikh women at Jallianwala Bagh massacre who jumped to their deaths in the well. Furthermore the general discontent is palpable over having to bear the oil prices today that are behaving like a teenage girl who has gotten her hands on daddy’s card and is living all her high flying dreams until the card is maxxed out.
We need someone who can make sense of the madness that is INDIA 2013 (actually, INDIA Tuesday 9:17 pm, 4 September, Clear Skies with 73% humidity 2013 (at the time of writing)). I have heard cries and I have heard abuses. I have heard insufficient minds boldly come forward and provide answers as socially-sanctioned ranting (twitter) questions without raising questions. I am here with a solution.
The Rape powered Car
Concept: A medium of transportation that can be powered by the sexual abuse of a fellow human.
Here are some schematics to illustrate my vision:
(For the sake of decency and the purpose of keeping un-sex educated kids in the dark I will use the combination of a Thumbs Up Sign and the OK Sign to represent the fuel component of this revolutionary design)
I know, I know there are many questions in your head. Will it be a twin-seater? What kind of luggage space? Will it be a family car?
Firstly, glad to see that you are on-board with the idea right away. It gives me hope for the future of India. Now to answer your questions; Yes it will be a twin-seater minimum – 1 driver and 1 screw driver.
As far as the luggage capacity goes, I am introducing an adjustable baggage cum fuel unit. The more fuel you hoard, the lesser stuff you can carry.
The car is available in three colors – Testosterone Red, Gang Rape Green and Traumatic Yellow
It comes $equipped with sound proof glasses separating the driving unit from the cell unit. All models will come installed with GPS (girl positioning system).
I was once asked if a ‘Guy Positioning System’ will also be made available for people with the capability of making the car work that way. I sternly informed the inquirer that I am a pious god-fearing good citizen of the world from a well-cultured family and will not be indulging fetishes with my invention. You will do good not to ask me the same question. Thank You.
About it being family car, depends on your family really. I am more specifically targeting a market of outgoing, active men who are assertive and know what they are looking for (see what I did there).
As you can see that it is a completely revolutionary concept but where my ingenuity really lies is in the way I have put together readily available resources to present a major solution.
With a winning concept like this I am giddy (like a little girl who hasn’t been mistreated yet) with excitement at the possibility of innovative marketing. I also have an ad script ready.
Think of the AXE commercial with all the women intently running towards a man who has just sprayed himself with the latest iteration of the deodorant. Now, just reverse the ad with all the women running away instead of towards and instead of the man think of the rape powered car. Quite powerful isn’t it? It has a kind of urgency – women run urgently so they can save their privates and the men (represented by the car) drive urgently to get the fuel so that they can reach on time to commit some more rape (not necessarily for fuel). It’s a rape powers rape situation.
Here are some taglines I think will do justice:
- ‘Just do it’
- ‘Coz you’re worth it’
- ‘Finger Lickin’ Good’
- ‘Mujhe Bhagwaan ke Liye chod do’ (let me go for God’s sake)
Even though I would like to think that this vehicle design will solve all our problems as a race of people and not just for India, I cannot be certain because this fuel has not has not been studied in a lab. As it stands now a considerable amount of empirical analysis will be required before a working version of the car can be rolled out. Not one to just make designs and leave it to the world to complete, I have taken the initiative to put together able-bodied men who can contribute to this research. Kindly fill this form if you are willing to cum forward (yes I know it’s an easy pun and yes, it’s intended)
With the right people on board I am sure we can solve the problems of this country by making them acceptable. Preliminary reactions to the concept have been widely appreciated in the northern part of the country openly while the south has already placed advance orders.
Support from government representatives, as I had expected, has been terrific. Well-placed sources have informed me that never has the government in power been presented with a potential electoral platform that brings together technology and social agenda so seamlessly. If things go right we may see the next government riding into power in my Rape Powered cars to rape the country. It’s a rape powers rape situation.
I will need your help though. I need a name that captures the essence of the car. Use the comments section and let loose your inner demons.
P.S. Seeing the success of this invention I am also working on other designs. If I have enough free time, you will soon see Dry Hump TV, The Footsie Iron, Fondle Toaster and Vigorous petting Lawnmower.