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By Kartikeya in Wickked! - On

Vegetarians are the only few people of honour left on this planet. We don’t the kill the living. We’re compassionate and kind and that’s why we choose to eat vegetarian food. Also, we somehow relate to all those PETA campaigns with naked women. We find our voices in them. Vegetarian food is also said to be healthy for the human body and mind. And thus, we choose to be vegetarians.

Bullshit!

This is India. Most of us are vegetarian because that’s how we grew up and we never questioned the veg logic. “Animals move, so they’re living. We don’t eat the living.” Made sense to us during our younger days. Then peer pressure came into life and half of us migrated to the non-vegetarian side while the remaining proudly professed how they ‘choose’ to be vegetarians. Pfft!

Being a vegetarian in India may not seem like much of a challenge, but it is. It is! Especially if you have some hardcore assholes for friends like I did throughout. There are wise cracks coming at you every time you pick up a menu. Somewhere down the line you do develop an immunity against it. But then what starts annoying you is that the SAME lines keep coming at you everytime. No change, no thought, nothing new, the same damn things get said all the time. Ju Yu want to know what these things are?

1) "Paneer! ROFLMAO"

A visit to any restaurant or wedding is never complete without the mention of this word. Either you’ll live up to the stereotype and order paneer or your friends will make you hate yourself for liking Paneer ever. This one time I made an epic comeback by saying “Chicken! Hahahaha”.

It wasn’t that epic. It wasn’t a comeback at all actually.

2) "OMG you don’t know what you’re missing out on!"


If I did want to know, I’d give it a try right? Accept it, you non vegetarians will never have the pleasure of discussing the pleasures of chewing on chicken with me. Your loss.

3) "Arre try toh karke dekh yaar"

This one makes me laugh. Really, it does. Every time I go out with the champions of the carnivores, they think they can make me try chicken after staying away from it for like, well, all my life. Yes, they try. They keep trying. I know what it feels like to have a shady stalker, ladies.

4) "But you don’t ‘look’ like a vegetarian!"

Let me guess. The typical image of a vegetarian in your mind is something like this?

Sorry to break it to you but most vegetarians have astonishingly similar structures as non-vegetarians. Because we eat! We eat different stuff than you, but we eat. Yes?

5) So you’re going to pay for a buffet and have veg food?

My boss loves saying this to me. He’s my boss so he gets away with it. Because you see, essentially he pays for my buffets. But for everyone else, yes, I will pay for a buffet and have veg food. It’s my money and it’s certainly my choice. I’d have whatever your daddy wanted me to have if your daddy was paying for it.

6) "But dude, plants are also living beings."

I went to the same biology class. I know.

 

7) "Oh no, I’ll have to share veg food with you now."

Depends on the state of my bank balance, but if you’re nice enough to do it, sure. And if you’re just saying it to get to me then think again. Think of how many times I must have heard this throughout my life. If it was to make me change my mind and suddenly become a carnivore, it would have happened long ago. Did it?

Vegetarian or non-vegetarian, stop preaching to each other. Follow your beliefs. Don’t bore one another with your stone age sense of humour at a dinner table. Eat and let eat.

Some random jokes you guys could take inspiration from:

 

Kartikeya

" I don't quite recall an inspiring quote to fill in here right now." Follow me : @Whackkman

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